Happy..... nope!

Oh the disasters of my life, where to start? Would love to meet someone that doesn't have disasters. One question i would ask them, do you regret never taking chances? See, I may hate or should I say dislike my life, but that doesn't mean i would take it all back. Everything we do does make us who we are. So the one question i would ask myself is, did you enjoy it all? that right there is a good question. i think i would say yes i enjoyed everything, but i would be lying. too many downs in my life, that i caused. I thought that all i needed to do was keep myself happy. but i went by it all wrong. yes you need to be happy but there are many different types of happy. i have been living a false and fake happy. thinking that life is great. open your eyes Christopher! for you are an ass, a bad friend, and a crappy lover. you make yourself happy with other peoples downs. wake up and fix yourself. but how. all alone and that's probably the way it should be for a longtime. Happy! how do i get to that point. OK i am going to stop for now i have no clue what i am trying to do here.